Saturday 16 April 2016

#37 Disaster Movie (Wes)



Disaster Movie
Seriously who keeps making these bloody spoof movies? When done well they can be amongst the funniest things you will ever see (eg Airplane), but they so rarely are and more often than not we get another Meet the Spartans (see here) or Miss Cast Away (see here). Being this far down on the list it doesn’t take a genius to know which category Disaster Movie is likely to fall in to…
Written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, Disaster Movie follows Will (Matt Lanter) as he tries to avert the end of the world. After Amy Winehouse (Nicole Parker) tells Will the world is going to end in a dream he throws a Super Sweet Sixteen party for himself, even though he’s actually 25 (oh God, the hilarity!) The party soon ends though when the world is hit by earthquakes and meteor showers. Will leaves the party with his best friend Calvin (Gary Johnson), Calvin’s girlfriend Lisa (Kim Kardashian) and Juney (Crista Flanagan). Will’s ex Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) calls him to tell him she’s trapped under a statue, and they set off to the museum to try and rescue her. Along the way they meet the ladies from Sex in the City, Iron Man, The Hulk, Hellboy, Speed Racer and Michael Jackson among others (remind me what genre this movie is spoofing again…). When they rescue her Lisa reveals that the crystal skull she has can save the world from certain destruction. Will the gang be able to do it? What other pointless references can the producers of this movie shoehorn in? Do people still seriously watch this crap for fun?

Honestly I have so little to say about this movie as it leaves so little impression on you that you barely remember it as you’re actually watching it and it's really not all that different from the other spoof I previously mentioned (i.e. unfunny and missing the point). So here it is, my shortest review yet:
Disaster Movie: The mostly aptly titled movie we’ve watched so far. This movie is a disaster from start to finish and should be avoided like Kansas in hurricane season. With a little help from Photoshop I think I could have helped unsuspecting viewers from wasting their time and money with this tidal wave of shit that masquerades as a movie….

Tuesday 5 April 2016

#37 Disaster Movie (2008) (Colin)



Cast: Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo, Gary ‘G-Thang’ Johnson, Nicole Parker, Kim Kardashian, Carmen Electra,

Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer               

Genre: Comedy

When I saw who the directors were for our next film, Disaster Movie (2008), my heart sunk.  Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer were already familiar to me as they had also directed our #75 movie in our list, Meet The Spartans (2008), (see blog here).

If you can’t be bothered to read this blog, (It’s OK, *sobs quietly*), then I’ll give you a brief summary.  Meet The Spartans was supposed to be a spoof but actually was just crammed full of pathetic pop culture references, awful impressions of people of the time and gags which fell flatter than a witch’s fun bag.

The funny thing is, at the time, I was looking forward to watching this movie as I do enjoy spoof films such as Hot Shots, Top Secret and Airplane!  I also enjoyed Scary Movie, which was co-written by Friedberg and Seltzer!  Therefore, I wondered why Meet The Spartans was on our list.  10 minutes in and all became clear……

To say I was disappointed was an understatement.  At least this time around my expectations are a lot lower!  Also, maybe Friedberg and Seltzer were just unlucky with Meet The Spartans, maybe that was just a one off and Disaster Movie, (released the same year), was a really funny spoof movie.

Surely, lightening couldn’t strike twice?

The film starts with a caveman talking to Amy Winehouse or rather someone doing a piss-poor impression of Amy Winehouse, (Nicole Parker).  She informs the caveman that some disaster will happen which will destroy the world on 29th August 2008, (the date this movie came out, so at least one prediction came true!).

We then find out that this was all a dream as Will, (Matt Lanter), wakes up screaming.  He turns to warn Amy, (not Winehouse, confusingly, but another character), (Vanessa Minnillo), that he has had a premonition that the world is going to end.  Amy couldn’t give a rat’s behind and promptly informs Will she is splitting up with him.

A dejected Will decides to go ahead with his Super Duper Sweet Sixteen party, (the ‘hilarious’ gag being he is in his twenties), where we meet the rest of the crew, Juney, (a bad ‘Juno’ character impression by Crista Flanagan), Calvin, (Gary ‘G Thang’ Johnson) and girlfriend Lisa, (Kim Kardashian).

The party is ruined by a High School Musical spoof which doesn’t really work and also by a meteor shower.  The awful Jessica Simpson (or whoever it was meant to be) impression and threat of death by rocks forces the crew to scarper.  Outside is a bad Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus impression and a Hancock spoof which really doesn’t go anywhere.  The threadbare storyline continues as Will and co find shelter and bump into the ‘ladies’ from Sex and the City.

For an unknown reason, Juney and Carrie, (Jason Boegh), have a fight over the shelter which Juney wins.  However, after a dream sequence in which Will sees Amy killed by Prince Caspian’s sword, (thankfully this is not a euphemism), he decides to go find her.  This change of heart is bad for Lisa as she gets killed by another meteorite, but good for us as it’s one less awful character…..

……or so you think as immediately the Princess from Enchanted, (Nicole Parker), takes over as 2nd lead annoying female character.

We discover that Amy is trapped underneath a statue in the museum and Will wastes no time in setting off to rescue her.  But there is a problem, Batman, (Ike Barinholtz), informs them that the buses to escape town will leave 9pm sharp and that if left behind, there is no chance of survival.

Can Will rescue Amy?  Will they make it to the buses in time and avoid certain death?  Will a single impression in the entire movie sound or look like the person they are trying to impersonate?

The answer to the last question is a resounding no.

There was a part of me that thought I might as well cut and paste my review for Meet The Spartans as all the issues I had with that movie, re-surfaced in Disaster Movie.  Friedberg and Seltzer made no effort to be original or do anything not already done in their previous movie, so why should I bother?  But that would be cheating, so here goes my review and apologies if it sounds familiar.

As I mentioned earlier, I like spoofs so I was looking forward to these movies, however there is a massive problem with both films.  Whilst I and most people understand what a spoof is, it appears our friends Friedberg and Seltzer do not.

A spoof involves really understanding the topic, picking it apart and sending it up.  Airplane! was a spoof of the airplane disaster movies of the 70’s and worked so well because you can see all the elements of the airplane disaster movies, but they were exaggerated to the point of silly and were interwoven with clever gags.

Disaster movie, on the other hand, completely misses the mark; the reason? It’s not trying to spoof disaster movies.  It chops and changes between many different styles and types of movie.  One second they are ‘spoofing’ High School Musical, the next second it’s ‘Iron Man’, then it leaps to ‘Enchanted’ and then ‘Sex and the City’. There is no structure, no theme and certainly no spoof of the disaster movie.

What you are left with instead are poor impressions and pale imitations of movies which are released in the few months before this movie was released.  Genuinely, I Googled ‘2008 movies’, which resulted in the most popular 2008 movies appearing in a ‘ticker tape’ at the top of the page, and I mentally ticked them off one by one.  The attitude seems to be, ‘If it’s released this year, it’s going into our movie one way or another’.

It would appear for Friedberg and Seltzer that quantity and definitely not quality are the order of the day.

The impressions, for example, are so poor that either the person doing the impression has to say, ‘Hi, I’m (insert name of person I am supposed to be doing an impression of)’ or another character goes, ‘Look! It’s (insert name of person they are supposed to be doing an impression of)’.  I have to admit I was thankful for this as I had no idea who the half-naked ginger chap with a crappy beard was supposed to be towards the end of the movie, (Beowulf apparently).

Incidentally, the Amy Winehouse impression was very bad and just involved a wig and a bad English accent.  Dick Van Dyke in a beehive could have done a better job.

The constant shift from one impression to another gives this movie a disjointed feel.  The language used against women in the movie gives it an uncomfortable feel.  I don’t exactly know what Friedberg and Seltzer’s issue with women are, but every female character at some point is called bitch, ho or slut.  It’s not funny or clever, it’s lazy and at it’s worse it’s just plain nasty.

There is no redeeming feature about this movie and I can find no positive spin to put on it.  It’s awful, offensive, unintelligent, crass, dull, lifeless, cringeworthy, unfunny and the biggest pile of crap I have seen in a long, long time.

In my head I knew how this film would pan out.  As I mentioned earlier, when I saw this movie on our list my heart sank as it was written by Friedberg and Seltzer and their previous movie on our list, Meet The Spartans, was chock full of bad impressions, lame jokes and a desperate need to cram as much pop culture references into a movie as possible.

I was willing to give Friedberg and Seltzer a second chance as, like I said at the top of the blog, ‘Surely, lightening couldn’t strike twice?’.

Well it can…….and don’t call me Shirley.