Cast: Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo, Gary ‘G-Thang’
Johnson, Nicole Parker, Kim Kardashian, Carmen Electra,
Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Genre: Comedy
When I saw who the directors were for our next film,
Disaster Movie (2008), my heart sunk.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer were already familiar to me as they
had also directed our #75 movie in our list, Meet The Spartans (2008), (see blog here).
If you can’t be bothered to read this blog, (It’s OK, *sobs
quietly*), then I’ll give you a brief summary.
Meet The Spartans was supposed to be a spoof but actually was just
crammed full of pathetic pop culture references, awful impressions of people of
the time and gags which fell flatter than a witch’s fun bag.
The funny thing is, at the time, I was looking forward to
watching this movie as I do enjoy spoof films such as Hot Shots, Top Secret and
Airplane! I also enjoyed Scary Movie,
which was co-written by Friedberg and Seltzer!
Therefore, I wondered why Meet The Spartans was on our list. 10 minutes in and all became clear……
To say I was disappointed was an understatement. At least this time around my expectations are
a lot lower! Also, maybe Friedberg and
Seltzer were just unlucky with Meet The Spartans, maybe that was just a one off
and Disaster Movie, (released the same year), was a really funny spoof movie.
Surely, lightening couldn’t strike twice?
The film starts with a caveman talking to Amy Winehouse or
rather someone doing a piss-poor impression of Amy Winehouse, (Nicole
Parker). She informs the caveman that
some disaster will happen which will destroy the world on 29th
August 2008, (the date this movie came out, so at least one prediction came
true!).
We then find out that this was all a dream as Will, (Matt
Lanter), wakes up screaming. He turns to
warn Amy, (not Winehouse, confusingly, but another character), (Vanessa
Minnillo), that he has had a premonition that the world is going to end. Amy couldn’t give a rat’s behind and promptly
informs Will she is splitting up with him.
A dejected Will decides to go ahead with his Super Duper
Sweet Sixteen party, (the ‘hilarious’ gag being he is in his twenties), where
we meet the rest of the crew, Juney, (a bad ‘Juno’ character impression by
Crista Flanagan), Calvin, (Gary ‘G Thang’ Johnson) and girlfriend Lisa, (Kim
Kardashian).
The party is ruined by a High School Musical spoof which
doesn’t really work and also by a meteor shower. The awful Jessica Simpson (or whoever it was meant to be) impression
and threat of death by rocks forces the crew to scarper. Outside is a bad Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
impression and a Hancock spoof which really doesn’t go anywhere. The
threadbare storyline continues as Will and co find shelter and bump into the
‘ladies’ from Sex and the City.
For an unknown reason, Juney and Carrie, (Jason Boegh), have
a fight over the shelter which Juney wins.
However, after a dream sequence in which Will sees Amy killed by Prince
Caspian’s sword, (thankfully this is not a euphemism), he decides to go find
her. This change of heart is bad for
Lisa as she gets killed by another meteorite, but good for us as it’s one less
awful character…..
……or so you think as immediately the Princess from
Enchanted, (Nicole Parker), takes over as 2nd lead annoying female
character.
We discover that Amy is trapped underneath a statue in the
museum and Will wastes no time in setting off to rescue her. But there is a problem, Batman, (Ike Barinholtz),
informs them that the buses to escape town will leave 9pm sharp and that if
left behind, there is no chance of survival.
Can Will rescue Amy?
Will they make it to the buses in time and avoid certain death? Will a single impression in the entire movie
sound or look like the person they are trying to impersonate?
The answer to the last question is a resounding no.
There was a part of me that thought I might as well cut and
paste my review for Meet The Spartans as all the issues I had with that movie,
re-surfaced in Disaster Movie. Friedberg
and Seltzer made no effort to be original or do anything not already done in
their previous movie, so why should I bother? But
that would be cheating, so here goes my review and apologies if it sounds
familiar.
As I mentioned earlier, I like spoofs so I was looking
forward to these movies, however there is a massive problem with both
films. Whilst I and most people
understand what a spoof is, it appears our friends Friedberg and Seltzer do
not.
A spoof involves really understanding the topic, picking it
apart and sending it up. Airplane! was a
spoof of the airplane disaster movies of the 70’s and worked so well because
you can see all the elements of the airplane disaster movies, but they were
exaggerated to the point of silly and were interwoven with clever gags.
Disaster movie, on the other hand, completely misses the
mark; the reason? It’s not trying to spoof disaster movies. It chops and changes between many different
styles and types of movie. One second
they are ‘spoofing’ High School Musical, the next second it’s ‘Iron Man’, then
it leaps to ‘Enchanted’ and then ‘Sex and the City’. There is no structure, no
theme and certainly no spoof of the disaster movie.
What you are left with instead are poor impressions and pale
imitations of movies which are released in the few months before this movie was
released. Genuinely, I Googled ‘2008
movies’, which resulted in the most popular 2008 movies appearing in a ‘ticker
tape’ at the top of the page, and I mentally ticked them off one by one. The attitude seems to be, ‘If it’s released
this year, it’s going into our movie one way or another’.
It would appear for Friedberg and Seltzer that quantity and
definitely not quality are the order of the day.
The impressions, for example, are so poor that either the
person doing the impression has to say, ‘Hi, I’m (insert name of person I am
supposed to be doing an impression of)’ or another character goes, ‘Look! It’s
(insert name of person they are supposed to be doing an impression of)’. I have to admit I was thankful for this as I
had no idea who the half-naked ginger chap with a crappy beard was supposed to
be towards the end of the movie, (Beowulf apparently).
Incidentally, the Amy Winehouse impression was very bad and
just involved a wig and a bad English accent.
Dick Van Dyke in a beehive could have done a better job.
The constant shift from one impression to another gives this
movie a disjointed feel. The language used
against women in the movie gives it an uncomfortable feel. I don’t exactly know what Friedberg and
Seltzer’s issue with women are, but every female character at some point is
called bitch, ho or slut. It’s not funny
or clever, it’s lazy and at it’s worse it’s just plain nasty.
There is no redeeming feature about this movie and I can
find no positive spin to put on it. It’s
awful, offensive, unintelligent, crass, dull, lifeless, cringeworthy, unfunny
and the biggest pile of crap I have seen in a long, long time.
In my head I knew how this film would pan out. As I mentioned earlier, when I saw this movie
on our list my heart sank as it was written by Friedberg and Seltzer and their
previous movie on our list, Meet The Spartans, was chock full of bad
impressions, lame jokes and a desperate need to cram as much pop culture
references into a movie as possible.
I was willing to give Friedberg and Seltzer a second chance
as, like I said at the top of the blog, ‘Surely, lightening couldn’t strike
twice?’.
Well it can…….and don’t call me Shirley.
