#28 Zaat (Wes)

Zaat

After the craptacular Turks in Space (see here) I needed something entertaining to watch on this list, but with a name like Zaat, I didn’t have the slightest clue what to expect. Searching for this movie soon gave me some clues for what to expect though, and seeing a monster on the movie poster filled me with a deep joy. This far into our list, I wasn’t expecting something great like The Toxic Avenger, but at this point any movie featuring a man in a rubber suit looks like a ray of sunlight. So with that in mind I went into this movie with high hopes. So would I be disappointed, or would I be adapting the lyrics to The Automatic’s Monster and singing “What’s Zaat coming over the hill, is it a monster? Is it a monster?” all night afterwards?

Mad scientist Dr. Kurt Leopold (Marshall Grauer) has been brooding over his former (and sane) scientist colleagues laughing at him and denying his requests for human subjects for a formula he’d invented called Z_aA_t. This formula has the ability to mutate a human into that of a walking catfish. When he uses the formula on himself, he mutates into a monster, and plots his revenge against those he feels wronged him. He poisons the local water supply and kills the two scientists who stood in the way of his insane plans. Marine Biologist Rex Baker (Gerald Cruse) along with two INPIT agents (Sanna Ringhaver and Dave Dickerson) assist sheriff Lou Krantz (Paul Galloway) in trying to track down the cause of these nefarious occurrences. Will they be able to stop the monster before he makes himself a bride? Will the monster find the drugs he needs in the pharmacist? Why won’t the monster kill the hippies playing the rubbish folk song?  What sort of movie could make me ask such ridiculous questions?

As mad scientists go, Dr. Leopold may not quite have the genius of Dr. Farnsworth, the vision of Dr Frankenstein, or the sheer evilness of Dr. Forrester (If you’re a regular reader of this blog, then you must have watched some MST3K by now, if not (or if you’re a first time reader) then I recommend you check some out), but was probably mistaken for the janitor much more often than any of those, so that’s something.

His opening monologue praising various sea creatures like a paranoid schizophrenic Jacques Costeau, doesn’t quite show how insane he actually is, but he does fit highly amongst the most batshit of the mad scientists, To see the level of his madness you just need to look at his plans. These take the form of a bizarre hand drawn zodiac wheel stuck to the wall of his laboratory, which looks like a junior school project. Throughout the film he sticks first photo’s of his two intended victims onto it, and then later hand drawn sketches of women that he wants to turn into monsters like him. Looking at that you can see that Dr. Leopold is more unhinged than a broken door.

Looking even closer at his plans shows a man who should be bouncing off the walls of his cell like a human squash ball, rather than messing around with chemicals and harassing innocent octopuses. He mutates himself into a monster to kill just two people. Two. If he was really that desperate for revenge he could have just shot them or something, and then he wouldn’t have had to go to the trouble of kidnapping women to turn them into monsters like himself to find a bride. Instead he could have just got some new clothes, a decent haircut and gone dancing and tried talking to women. I hear that most women like that much more than being kidnapped and monsterfied.

Dr. Leopold isn’t the only person who seems to have lost the plot. Writer (also director and producer) Don Barton doesn’t seem to have understood that only having ten minutes worth of plot in a 100 minute film isn’t a good idea. Zaat is an extremely drawn out film. It could have easily been half an hour shorter and you wouldn’t have lost a single thing (except 70 minutes of your life). The pace really is quite clunky and the amount of pointless scenes is astounding, however even at a faster pace and without scenes of the monster making a quick trip to Boots or a ten-minute hippy interlude this would still have been a terrible movie.

The killings, which you’d normally expect to be amongst the more entertaining of scenes, are cut with stock footage of sea creatures, and are strangely brief. They’re also completely laughable. At one point one innocent victim of the monster gets killed by it barely swiping her sweater. The sheriff confronting the monster isn’t much better either, with him obviously failing his firearm exams when joining the police as he seems to think a gun should be used as a club, rather than used to fire bullets.

The movie also isn’t helped by so much of the screen time being occupied by a monster that looks like a cross between an ape, a fly and the Swamp Thing. How this is supposed to be a mutated walking catfish, only Don Barton would be able to tell you. I read online that the mouth of the monster was designed as it was (like a fly’s proboscis) as it was originally going to suck the blood from its victims, well they got one thing right, this monster really did suck. The costume itself looks like it was found in the bins behind the Doctor Who sets of the 60’s and the only thing in its favour, is that it doesn’t look too bad in the underwater scenes (which are probably the most professional looking thing in this whole movie).

Despite it’s length and ridiculous amount of filler, I actually enjoyed Zaat. I think a lot of it was down to how much fun it was to mock on Twitter (follow us here and here). It’s a bad movie, that’s got so much wrong with it, but somehow it adds up to be a strangely charming movie. It could have easily been made a couple of decades earlier, and for a while I thought it was. However by the 70s movies and costumes really should have improved even on low budgets, which makes this movie less Creature From the Black Lagoon and more Creature From the Broken Latrine…

#28 ZaaT (1971) (Colin)

 

Cast: Marshall Grauer, Wade Popwell, Paul Galloway, Gerald Cruse

Director: Don Barton

Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi

The next movie on our list has several names, Hydra, Attack of the Swamp Creatures, Zaat and Blood Waters of Dr. Z.  Fans of MST3K will recognise the last name and indeed this movie was riffed in season 10.  I don’t remember much about the episode, other than it seemed to have a number of risqué riffs about boobs, nudity and the protagonist enjoying a cheeky one of the wrist.

With all these names, it’s hard to know which one to use throughout this blog, but I have settled on Zaat, for no other reason than it’s only 4 letters and easy to type.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, it depends how you look at it), the original movie was easy to find and therefore we will not be watching the MST3K version.  For this reason, I was praying that the movie did not suck as, on occasion, it’s only the riffing from the MST3K team which makes a bad movie watchable, (ie, Carnival Magic from the MST3K Revival).  Having just watched Turks in Space, (see blog here), I was in dire need of one of those bad movies in our list which is so truly awful, it becomes good.

So when I saw the IMDb headline for this movie was ‘A mad scientist transforms himself into an aquatic killer’, my spirits lifted.  This sounds like it has the hallmarks of a movie so bad, it’s good.

So was it?

Nutjob neo-nazi Dr. Kurt Leopold, (Marshall Grauer), has a bee in his bonnet.  He has created a new formula called Z-sub-A, A-sub-T, or ZaaT for short.  Apparently it can turn humans into catfish, which leads to some eyebrows being raised and much criticism from his colleagues who believe he’s one cake short of a picnic.  He decides to teach them a lesson and injects himself with ZaaT.  After a short dip in a water tank he emerges as a creature, (which looks nothing like a catfish,) and starts his revenge.

Leopold tracks down a dude called Maxson, a colleague who turned his nose up to Leopold’s formula and went Pey-hew!  Maxson is fishing, (Irony!), with his son and wife in a boat on a nearby lake.  Leopold seizes his opportunity by capsizing the boat and killing Maxson and his son.  He then scarpers and sets about ensuring another colleague, Ewing, is now pushing up the daisies.

Maxson decides to interrupt all this killing with some romance.  He kidnaps an unsuspecting lady, who was minding her beeswax going for a swim and takes her back to his lab.  He injects her with the ZaaT formula and dunks her in the water tank.  Things go awry, however, when the potential mate wakes up from her enforced baptism and starts thrashing around.  This causes the equipment to do sparky things and the girlfriend that never was, dies.

The movie interrupts itself to bring us a very long interlude which sees a band playing, the town’s sheriff, Lou, (Paul  Galloway), watching them and then once done, (and it does seem to last forever), Lou arrests them and puts them in the slammer.

Back to the movie and Leopold is a bit miffed that he didn’t get some lady/fish hybrid action and so sets about trying to kidnap another mate.  Martha Walsh, (Sanna Ringhaver), is a scientist who has been called into the town to try to solve the mysterious killings and why the townsfolk are becoming ill, (that cheeky Leopold has been putting ZaaT into the water supply.  He really is a card!).  Leopold instantly falls in love and takes her back to the lab.  Hot on his heels are Lou and Martha’s scientific buds…..

Will Leopold get his dream fishgirl?  Can Lou stop him?  Will the totally unnecessary band members escape from jail?

Watch ZaaT and find out!

ZaaT is a truly awful movie, with painfully slow scenes, awful acting and a ‘catfish’ costume which looks more like Gredo on meth, than it does a catfish, (why, for example, does he have fur?).  That’s right, I absolutely loved it!

Going back to the catfish costume, it is truly terrible.  I swear you can see the outline of the zip, it’s definitely too big for the actor and I’m not convinced he can actually see out of the mask.  In one scene, Leopold quite clearly trips and carries on walking.  Not a single person in the editing suite thought, ‘Oops, should get rid of that!’ and so they kept it in.  I’m pleased they did because it’s little errors and mistakes such as this, which makes a bad movie watchable and pushes it towards so bad, it’s good!

With the ill fitting catfish costume, the movie has an overall 1950’s B movie feel to it.  Which would have been absolutely fine, had ZaaT not been made in 1971!  When you consider it was made in the same year as The Omega Man, Andromeda Strain and A Clockwork Orange, it was always going to be up against some pretty stiff Sci-Fi competition.  Making it look 20 years out of date, probably wasn’t a good start, (although today it does not seem to matter as much, certainly not to me).

The sound effects are 1970’s, albeit rejected sound effects from the makers of Doctor Who, the producers of which would have deemed them too cheap!  The musical score appears to be by The Stylophone Symphony Orchestra and adds to the budget feel and I think it’s fair to say that the soundtrack was not in the Hit Parade.  Unless Hit was spelt with a silent ‘S’.

There is an awful lot of padding in this movie.  Truth be told, the story could’ve taken 20 minutes and you’d still have enough time for the 10 minutes band scene.  Scenes are unnecessarily long and drawn out.  One particular scene involve the monster Leopold going to the pharmacy to do a spot of late night drug shopping!  The audience watches in wonder as Leopold examines bottle after bottle, shelf after shelf and puts them neatly into his basket.  It really is a breath-taking scene, high-octane stuff which could grace any Fast Furious franchise movie.

But all of these things just add to the charm of the movie, you end up laughing at it and it becomes an enjoyable experience.  There are loads of examples of the truly awful which add to the magic of this movie.

For example, the elaborate way in which Leopold lowers himself and his female victims into the pool.  It basically involves a metal basket, rope and a series of pulleys to gently submerge the subjects.  A bit of an over design, you feel, when steps leading into the water are clearly visible!

Or Leopold’s incredibly odd 7ft tall circular cardboard cutout in which he has drawn pictures of his victims, pinned photos of his former colleagues and scribbled notes of his plans.  I still can not understand why he has done this, what’s wrong with a note book or chalk board?

And then there’s the fabulous death of a young lad on his porch.  Leopold swipes viciously, kills him and leaves his head a bloodied mess.  Well, Leopold swipes quite gently actually.  And actually the blood is quite clearly Leopold dipping his hand in red paint and wiping it across the young lad’s face.  But again it adds to the charm.

And so I can firmly file this movie under the category, it’s so bad, it’s good!  An enjoyable film fans of MST3K will love even if they have not seen that particular episode.  I highly recommend it, check it out on YouTube.

ZaaT’s All Folks!