*Spoiler Alert*
This blog does contain spoilers for the movie I Know Who Killed Me, therefore if you do not want to find out that Aubrey's piano teacher is the killer or that Aubrey and Dakota are in fact Stigmatic Twins, then please do not read on any further. Thank you.
Excellent, I think that's covered me, for those of you left I shall begin my blog for #92 on our list and starring Lindsay Lohan, I Know Who Killed Me, (2007).
Not so long ago, Lindsay Lohan was 'A' List hot property. This was largely due to the huge commercial success she enjoyed with Disney. These were largely remakes or films that had bought into a franchise, but nevertheless they earned Lohan and Disney mega bucks and were hugely popular. I, personally, was not a fan of such films as Parent Trap, (1998), Freaky Friday, (2003) (There is nothing wrong with the Jodie Foster version) and Herbie Does Blow. Actually that last one may be in my head, but does link nicely to the fact that unfortunately for Lohan alcohol and drugs were to ultimately lead to her downfall.
After Pluto turned whistle blower and admitted to Walt Disney that Lohan had bought some 'good shit' from Goofy, Lohan found work increasingly hard to come by and spent a lot of 2006 / 2007, when this film was produced and screened in and out of rehab. It is because of this that I can perhaps forgive Lohan for even thinking about taking on this film. I suspect at the time she could not afford to be choosy. I do think though that once clean, Lohan would have woken up in a cold sweat, (similar to when Father Jack sobered up in Father Ted), and shouted 'I can't believe I did that fecking film'!
I Know Who Killed Me is part 'Whodunnit' and part 'Can you work out what the twist is going to be?'. Although in my opinion it should by a 'Whydidtheymakeit'. The plot centres around the 'perfect' student, Aubrey, (Lohan) who is kidnapped and tortured, (by the piano teacher, but I haven't told you that) and is found by the side of the road, mutilated and suffering 'memory lost', (this is because they find Dakota, (again played by Lohan) and not Aubrey), but remember, I have not told you this and please act surprised when this is revealed by the film.
So who kidnapped and tortured Aubrey is the Whodunnit and has Aubrey really lost her memory or is this someone who just looks like her, is the can you work out what the twist part is. The rest is just filler aimed at throwing you off the scent, (it doesn't) and showing off the director's cinematography skills, (which are non-existent).
Let's begin with the director, Chris Sivertson. If you look him up on IMDb you will see that he has not directed much and from this movie you can probably work out why. He simply is not very good at it. Wes has already compared Sivertson with M. Night Shyamalan, in the sense that Sivertson obviously watched The Sixth Sense, (1999), and thought I can make a film like that, (I only wished he had said that out loud so that someone could have heard him, said, 'Erm, no you really can't' and we could all have been spared 1h 41mins of tripe). Whilst I try to avoid repeating Wes' blog in this case it is very hard not too, because the comparisons between the 2 directors and these films is almost unavoidable and it is because of the use of colour.
The SUBTLE use of colour, (sorry I don't mean to shout but SUBTLE is an important word here), in movies can really lift it to the next level. In The Sixth Sense, the colour red is used sparingly, it's intention to hint or nod to the audience that the ghost world and real world are crossing over. So good is it's use that it is not unusual for people to miss it or not fully realise it is going on. So good is the film that once they are told they watch it a second or third time, keeping a closer eye out for it.
For me, no film has used colour to greater effect that in Steven Spielberg's Schindler's List (1993). Filmed in black and white, the use of the colour red is very obvious and deliberately so. I defy the most hardened of people not to be upset or uncomfortable by the colour red, (I will not go into it here, but if you have not seen this movie, (or indeed The Sixth Sense), I highly recommend you do. They are both truly brilliant movies).
So as I have mentioned, (although I will deny), Aubrey and Dakota are in fact Stigmatic twins, but we are not meant to know this, (but we do). Using all the skills he learnt at Film Weekend School, Silverton decides to give us a double treat and we get the use of not one but two colours. Blue is used to give readers a little clue when Lohan is Aubrey and Red when Lohan is playing Dakota. So, dear reader, how subtle did Silverton do this? Is there a flash of blue when Aubrey rushes past the screen? Do we perhaps glimpse a bit of blue out of shot, maybe reflected on a shop window? Well, not quite.
I decided to jot down all the props and items coloured blue, (because don't forget, Silverton thinks you are so thick and he is so clever that you need help to work out what is going on) and I will now list the blue items which appear in the first 18 minutes of the film and which subtly give you a clue that at this moment in the movie, Lohan is playing Aubrey, (at which point my wrist began to feel like an 18 year old watching the late night Channel 5 movie and so I had to give up!). They are:-
Tea shirt, Jeans, Folder, iPod, Rose, Writing on first murdered girls missing poster, Classroom walls, floor, Rubber gloves on boyfriend, and the cops, blanket on first murdered girl, shirt on Dr typing up the autopsy, morgue, pick up truck, Aubrey's car, Football team, cheerleaders outfits, colours of the crowd, woolly hat, police car lights, woolly gloves, fan with painted blue face, scarf, movie poster, Aubrey's gag, underwear, painting's in Aubrey's house, vase, cat collar, house walls, glass shards and all instruments of torture on the tray, yes all of them! For Dakota, it's much the same but everything magically turns red!
Blue Red
The DVD actually comes with 2 sledgehammers, one blue and one red and whenever Aubrey is on screen a blue icon appears in the bottom right hand corner and you must smash yourself in the face with the blue sledgehammer. Unlike Silverton, I think you guys can work what to do when Dakota is on screen. Just for added help though, on the DVD director's commentary, Silverton shouts through a megaphone "AUBREY BLUE, DAKOTA RED" throughout the movie. I really wish he would stop skirting around the subject and just tell us what he means.
Bless him though, Silverton does try to throw us the occasional curve ball. When Dakota wakes up in hospital after having her arm and leg amputated, the hospital room is blue. But the scene ends with a red dissolve and basically the film screaming, "It's not Aubrey!". He also tries to be clever, for example, when Dakota is in a police car the colour of the sirens, (blue and red), alternating turn Lohan blue then red, blue then red. Is she Aubrey, is she Dakota, is she Aubrey, is she Dakota? Alright Silverton, stop, I get it, even a Media Studies student gets it!
I must admit though, I do think I have finally worked out why he makes it so obvious when Lohan is Aubrey and when she is Dakota. Bascially Lohan plays both parts exactly the same, (shit) and aside for a bit of swearing from Dakota and no potty mouth from Aubrey, it is Lohan's lack of acting range which actually confuses the viewer into whether or not she is Aubrey or Dakota and nothing at all to do with the use of colour.
And this is another of the films problems, Lohan, I am afraid, is just not that strong an actor. The earlier success she enjoyed with Disney films were not exactly taxing roles. In fact, having to play a stripper is probably not exactly a taxing role, but, as Elizabeth Burkley will tell you, mess it up and it's career over. Lohan apparently took pole dancing lessons for this role, but it was money wasted as she is about as erotic as watching beige dry.
The only part more unbelievable than Lohan's stripper acting was her prosthetic hand. Like Lohan the prosthetic hand she is given after having her hand amputated, takes on 2 roles. One so good that Luke Skywalker has placed an order for half a dozen, (ie, they do not bother pretending it is a prosthetic hand and so the hand just appears au naturel!). The other is so clearly just a flesh coloured marigold glove that Chubbs from Happy Gilmore would laugh at how proposterous it looks!
Lohan's sex scene is unintentionally funny too, (sorry boys, she keeps the girls under wraps). Dakota shags Aubrey's boyfriend, (surely this is wrong?), whilst Aubrey's mum is downstairs and she hilariously starts cleaning the kitchen and bashing pans around to cover the sex noise. It's funny because the sex scene appears to have been done in the style of a funny non speaking part from an 80's film such as Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Seriously if you do watch this film, (really, after reading this?), then play 'Oh Yeah' by Yello and you will get exactly what I mean. Bow Bow, chickedy, chickedy ahhhhh!
Finally I must mention the piss poor 'Whodunnit' element of the movie. Really the murderer can only be 1 of 3 characters. The boyfriend, (no, it is so painfully clear early on that it is not and the film never really tries to convince you otherwise), the father, (who half an hour from the end suddenly becomes a bit shady after it was revealed he 'bought' Aubrey from his drugged up neighbour and 'abandoned' Dakota, leading her to live the unhappy life she does), but again, no and no because any generic 'Whodunnit' has the character sudden turning twist which tries to put you off the scent, (but has been used to death now). Which only leaves the piano teacher who is so clearly pissed off at the very beginning and who is not mentioned at all for the next 90 minutes, that it can only ever be and without a shadow of a doubt will only ever be, him. (For suspense I will not confirm or deny it is. It is).
The thing that annoys me most about the film though is the title of the film, I Know Who Killed Me. Not missing a trick, the powerhouse director that is Chris Sivertson, (he should really team up with the acting powerhouse, Tom Arnold), gets Dakota to actually say this just before she merrily goes on and solves the crime. So what is the issue? No one bloody kills her. Either of her. Even if Dakota is saying it trying to be clever, (ie Aubrey is dead, we all think she's Aubrey don't we? I mean if only he had used colour to help us), Aubrey is not bloody dead either. And Dakota knows this because, as she has worked out, she is a Stigmatic twin and as she has not died, Aubrey is probably alive too! So no Dakota, you do not know who killed you, you should have said, 'I Know Who Has Taken My Stigmatic Twin, Tortured Her and Buried Her Alive', which if you had been paying attention was the Piano Teacher and we all knew that after 5 minutes.
It's funny that it's the incorrect use of the film title which is the thing that most annoyed me, but it did. Instead of Lohan proclaiming, 'I Know Who Killed Me', she really should have said 'I Know Who Killed My Career'. And I don't need bloody subtle colour clues to work out this one, it was Chris Sivertson.
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