The 80's was a simple time. If, like me, you grew up in this decade, then you know that we did not have PS Vitas, Nintendo 3DS's or iPhones to occupy ourselves in the playground. We had to, (and I know this is an alien concept today), communicate with each other face to face. Interaction, speaking to and acknowledging each others existence was part of daily life and one example of how this was achieved is through sticker collecting.
We had short lived phases like yo-yos which Coca Cola gave away and bore the soft drink of your choice on the side or the Rubik's magic which we all managed to do in about 7 seconds. But sticker collecting carried on throughout school, mainly thanks to Panini's football sticker album which came out once a season. The only album I ever managed to complete was Panini's Football '87 and I'm still proud of this today, (yes, I'm quite sad!).
The social element of all this was the swapping off any sticker doubles you had. Basically, every lunchtime, you would carry a wad of stickers you did not need and would try to find others who had stickers you wanted and who you could bargain and swap stickers with. Lunchtime then, would involve a group of kids in a circle, whilst one kid rifled through his stickers one by one, getting stopped by someone once a sticker they needed was on show. So the soundtrack to our school was:
'Got, got, got, oh need'
'Ok, what do you have? Got, got, got, oh need.'
Pride of place in the sticker collection were the foil stickers. These shiny ones usually had a football team's badge and were rarer than the normal stickers. So rare that this dialogue was not uncommon.
'Got, got, got, oh need. What do you want for the Tottenham foil sticker?'
'20 stickers plus your Leeds United foil badge'
'Fuck off'
Then along came a new sticker collection, quite different from what we were used to. They came with a free chewing gum, which was rock hard and broke your teeth, (I believe the chewing gum is now used as an tougher alternative for diamond tipped drills), but above all they were a little rude and a bit naughty.
Based loosely on the look of the Cabbage Patch Kids, the Garbage Pail Kids were deformed and screwed up versions. Each sticker had a drawing of a Garbage Pail Kid, usually vomiting, full of snot or farting, and underneath was their name. The name usually related to the drawing and was a pun or play on words. For example, my namesakes Croaky Colin or Semi Colin, (I have put these at the bottom of my blog, so you can see what I mean!).
Parents wanted them banned, some schools did ban them and the media was outraged that this filth was being peddled to kids. For this reason we loved them and they became hugely popular. Usually when we are about to review a movie, we get blank looks and shrugging of shoulders, however when I mentioned the GPKs nearly everyone my age had heard of them and remembered the stickers. Not many remembered that there was a movie, in fact neither did I.
It turns out there's a reason for that......
#77 The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Unfortunately when something in pop culture is at it's height of popularity, film studios start seeing dollar signs and aggressively seek to peddle any crap loosely associated with it. Fortunately, for those of us who enjoyed Transformers in the 80's, Michael Bay waited nearly 20 years before destroying it. Unfortunately GPK were not so lucky and whilst they remained very popular, a movie based on some of the characters from the stickers was released, or should I say rushed out.
The film focuses on Dodger, (Mackenzie Astin), a 14 year old weakly type, who helps out in an antique shopped owned by likable English eccentric Captain Manzini, (Anthony Newley). Dodger fancies out of his league, cheerleader type, Tangerine, (Katie Barberi) and when Dodger attempts to chat her up, (rather badly), her boyfriend, Juice, (Ron Maclachlan) and some one-dimensional bullies take offence. A tussle breaks out and they knock over a garbage can, (dustbin to us Limeys), which omits some nasty looking green slime. From this vile substance Piers Morgan is born. Also, the Garbage Pail Kids.
The film focuses on Dodger, (Mackenzie Astin), a 14 year old weakly type, who helps out in an antique shopped owned by likable English eccentric Captain Manzini, (Anthony Newley). Dodger fancies out of his league, cheerleader type, Tangerine, (Katie Barberi) and when Dodger attempts to chat her up, (rather badly), her boyfriend, Juice, (Ron Maclachlan) and some one-dimensional bullies take offence. A tussle breaks out and they knock over a garbage can, (dustbin to us Limeys), which omits some nasty looking green slime. From this vile substance Piers Morgan is born. Also, the Garbage Pail Kids.
Each GPK has a particular gross habit and are based on their pictures on the original stickers. There's Nat Nerd, incredibly spotty, wearing a superhero outfit and constantly weeing himself. Ali Gator, an alligator, (surprise!), who likes to eat eye balls and fingers. Valerie Vomit, who pukes, but thankfully only once, in the movie. Greaser Greg, who is the bastard son of John Prescott and The Fonz. Messy Tessie, who snots a lot. Foul Phil, who has incredibly bad breath and Windy Winston, who farts. A lot. As you can see from these characters, the humour is very high brow and subtle.
The GPKs, for some reason, make Dodger a jacket, which he wears when he goes to see Tangerine. Tangerine, who is a wannabe fashion designer, is impressed with the jacket and asks Dodger if he can get more which she hopes to sell at a fashion show. Dodger asks if the GPKs will do this and they agree. They then set about making the clothes whilst singing what has to be the most annoying tune known to man. The song is about working together or something and comes straight out of the Disney vomiting section of feel good songs with important moral messages.
Tangerine learns that the GPKs make these clothes and because they are ugly, feels just fine about exploiting them. On the day of the fashion show, she locks them in the basement and Juice kidnaps them and takes them to a home for Ugly people. It's OK though, because Manzini and Dodger rescue them and they promptly go and ruin the fashion show, which seems to involve ripping clothes off models. This concludes with lots of models running around in bras and a lawsuit from Robin Askwith and Benny Hill.
Having saved the day, Manzini explains how the GPKs need to go back into the garbage can as 'normies' will never accept them. He attempts to magic them back in by singing a song backwards, but this fails. The GPKs sneak out and ride off promising us new adventures. Which they never do as the planned sequel and cartoon series was shelved based on the reception of the movie.
I was kind of dreading it, but unfortunately the movie was a bitter disappointment for fans of the original sticker series. The acting was OK, Manzini is a very likable English eccentric and Dodger also comes over as a character you can care about and you kinda hope things work out for him and Tangerine, but you can't help feeling we've seen it all before.
Original is definitely not a word associated with this movie. Dodger really is the stereotypical 80's loser who's unlucky in love but has a good heart. Tangerine is the 'A' typical bitch who prefers jocks to kindness and judges purely on appearance and Juice is the 'A' typical jock boyfriend of said 80's bitch. The bullies are cut and paste from any college movie of the 80's and lack anything new or remotely interesting. Overall the underlying message that you should not judge people on outward appearance is a good one, but unfortunately it is a message we have heard in numerous other movies in numerous better ways.
In my Ecks vs Sever blog, I speak about how game tie-ins are often just generic games which have already been written but which have a new skin put on to portray the characters in the movie. This is what comes across to me in this movie, in that it really is a lazy film, with a plain script which could have been shoe horned into any popular franchise of the time.
The biggest issue with the GBKs is their look, it is truly awful. The animatronics of the actual puppets are incredibly poor and they make Jaws from Jaws: The Revenge look like Avatar. The GBKs look weird, but not weird good or weird funny as in the drawings on the original stickers, but just plain freaky. When each GBK speaks you can almost see and hear the steam pistons trying to operate the mouth, but failing miserably and with each sentence uttered the mouth moves only once, sometimes twice.
As I mentioned earlier, the drawings were loosely based on the look of Cabbage Patch Kids and if you scrunched your eyes you could clearly see some vague resemblance, albeit after a dog has chewed it. The GBK puppets look like the dog has then subsequently shat the Cabbage Patch Kid out and then Satan has pushed some tortured souls into them. They have all the appeal and charm of an maggot infested open wound. Or Piers Morgan.
Overall, this is a very 80's movie which has not aged at all well. The synthesiser sounds like a Casio keyboard in which someone has pressed the demo button and superglued it into position. The synth, off course, was a staple soundtrack to most 80's movies, but unlike the catchy theme tune of Beverley Hills Cop, for example, the music in this movie is more Axel F- (must try harder).
The best thing to come out of this movie was the fact that I rediscovered Garbage Pail Kids the stickers. They brought a lot of laughter to me in my youth and I will always look back on them with a smile. The GPK movie did in some way evoke emotions I used to feel whilst collecting them. Unfortunately it was how you would feel after opening your pack, finding out each sticker was one you already had and then dropping the rock hard chewing gum into the mud...... the feeling of disappointment.
'got, got' got, bollocks that was a complete waste of my time'.
The biggest issue with the GBKs is their look, it is truly awful. The animatronics of the actual puppets are incredibly poor and they make Jaws from Jaws: The Revenge look like Avatar. The GBKs look weird, but not weird good or weird funny as in the drawings on the original stickers, but just plain freaky. When each GBK speaks you can almost see and hear the steam pistons trying to operate the mouth, but failing miserably and with each sentence uttered the mouth moves only once, sometimes twice.
As I mentioned earlier, the drawings were loosely based on the look of Cabbage Patch Kids and if you scrunched your eyes you could clearly see some vague resemblance, albeit after a dog has chewed it. The GBK puppets look like the dog has then subsequently shat the Cabbage Patch Kid out and then Satan has pushed some tortured souls into them. They have all the appeal and charm of an maggot infested open wound. Or Piers Morgan.
Overall, this is a very 80's movie which has not aged at all well. The synthesiser sounds like a Casio keyboard in which someone has pressed the demo button and superglued it into position. The synth, off course, was a staple soundtrack to most 80's movies, but unlike the catchy theme tune of Beverley Hills Cop, for example, the music in this movie is more Axel F- (must try harder).
The best thing to come out of this movie was the fact that I rediscovered Garbage Pail Kids the stickers. They brought a lot of laughter to me in my youth and I will always look back on them with a smile. The GPK movie did in some way evoke emotions I used to feel whilst collecting them. Unfortunately it was how you would feel after opening your pack, finding out each sticker was one you already had and then dropping the rock hard chewing gum into the mud...... the feeling of disappointment.
'got, got' got, bollocks that was a complete waste of my time'.
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