If you're sitting comfortably we'll begin. Well actually I will begin anyway because I typed this way before you sat down to read this so it's not like I'll pause or anything. OK, you've got a few seconds. Better? OK, so we can now kick off the top 100 worse movies as voted for by no-one, but as assembled by me, one bored lunchtime from various lists. We begin logically, (unless off course you noticed out first blog was #96, in which case whoopty woo you, I bet you think you're clever or something) with #100 Bio-Dome (1996).
For those of you growing up in the late 80's / early 90's, you will know that MTV used to show music videos. (The clue was in the channels name, 'Music' TV, not 'moronic mind numbing reality shit TV' (that would have been MMNRSTV, nowhere near as catchy!)). You would probably also then be familiar with the 'star' of Bio-Dome, Pauly Shore. Shore was an MTV VJ during this time and even had his own show such was his popularity, especially in the USA. He became globally known through his character Stoney Brown in the movie California Man (1992) and his career grew from strength to strength, (I have no idea how, but California Man is not on our list, in my opinion an awful, awful movie). Personally, I've never been a fan of Pauly Shore, although I must be fair to him as he is only the 3rd worse Shore on MTV, (#2 Jersey, #1 Geordie).
In 1996 he decided that a successful career was not for him and so set about destroying it by making Bio-Dome. Plotwise it involves 2 drop out stoner dudes who accidentally get trapped in a Bio-Dome which is subsequently sealed for 1 year as part of an experiment into sustaining a mini Eco system with 'hilarious' consequences. It's kind of what Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure would have been like if Channel 5 had made it. But with less talent and production values.
Unfortunately it's hard not to compare Bud and Doyle from Bio-Dome with Bill and Ted. They are similar ages, both Californian surfer stoned types, drop outs and under achievers. There is, however, one slight difference. Bill and Ted, though not bright and wasters, are characters you grow to care about, even like and you really want them to succeed by the end of the movie. Bud and Doyle, on the other hand, you want to punch in the face repeatedly until they become a bloodied pulp! (And I don't condone violence, but even the Dali Lama would go crazy ape shit on these morons). Bud (Shore) and Doyle (played by the versatile actor, Stephen Baldwin) really fail to connect with the audience or unfortunately a claw hammer.
The acting is very poor in this move, which is surprising as it is well known that Stephen Baldwin comes from an acting family. His brother, Mike, is probably best known for his role in ITV1's 'Coronation Street'. After a recent spell in the UK Celebrity Big Brother, Stephen is now best known for bashing his bible. Not to dissimilar, in Bio-Dome, he likes to bash his bishop. And choke the chicken, shake hands with his best friend, take out Mrs. Palm and her 5 lovely daughters, play the flesh flute, pink oboe, etc. I know, that sentence went on way too long and was basically the same thing said over and over again. You now get an idea of exactly what Bio-Dome is like.
I'm very high brow and enjoy a good fart and knob gag as much as the next professor. But when it's constantly forced down your throat, (metaphorically), over and over again for 90 minutes it really starts to grate. But it did not need to be like that. The opening few minutes has good slap stick, physical comedy and decent gags mixed with toilet gags. The problem is that this formula is then rinsed and repeated, with nothing new to offer for the entire movie. There are lines that show Shore can write some decent comedy. For example there is a running gag about the "Chipmunk fire of 1979" in which Bud and Doyle describe how a Chipmunk ingested fertilizer in their neighbourhood, caught alight and managed to burn down the street. This is referenced later by one of the scientists, (can't remember who, should have made notes!), when Bud and Doyle are accused off causing more destruction than the Chipmunk fire of 1979. Doesn't sound clever or funny here, but works in the film. Unfortunately, rather than keeping running gags or witty one liners, the film quickly goes back to relying on farts and burp gags for it's humour.
There are a lot of famous names in this film. Kylie Minogue, for example, but neither her nor her bottom could save this film. She is quoted as saying Bio-Dome is the only film which she regrets. Someone may have to remind her she was also in Street Fighter (1994). Fortunately Wes and I will as that wonderful film made it into our list! There is also Jack Black and Kyle Glass who appear as their band Tenacious D in the film. In actual fact they are good, albeit for a very brief appearance (overall the soundtrack is very good and includes Reverend Horton Heat, Faith No More and The Ramones). Penn and Teller also make a background appearance at the very end, (although they look like they have wandered onto set by accident and desperately want to find their way out again!). But none of these names / cameo appearances could save this film and all look like they are desperately trying to remember how drunk they actually were, before they agreed to take part.
I must, however, make a confession. I actually quite liked it. It will never be purchased on DVD, I will never make time for it again and I won't invite people round for a Bio-Dome party. But the truth is I did laugh in places, it was so stupid that I did not have to think for 90 minutes and because of that I could wind down, relax and almost, (gulp) enjoy it. So I will conclude with this, Bio-Dome is not a good film in fact it's shit, you'll hate the characters and will never want to see it on purpose. But there will come a day, probably one Sunday morning, post 10 pints, several shots and a very large greasy kebab, (chili sauce please), when one of the movie channels will be showing a movie dedicated to the memory of the career of Pauly Shore. It'll be Bio-Dome and you will not change the channel, you will secretly enjoy it and forget how crap you feel this morning. Bio-Dome has one purpose and one purpose only, it is a very good hangover film, (and besides you can sky+ Hollyoakes and watch that afterwards anyway).
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