#94 Norbit (2007) (Colin)

It's the 1st January 1990 and we say goodbye to the decade fashion forgot. The demolition of the Berlin Wall a few weeks earlier, signalled a warming in relations between East and West and so we say goodbye to the Cold War. Later this year, the introduction of the unpopular Poll Tax leads to violent riots and results in saying goodbye to Margaret Thatcher. We all start making plans for the massive party we shall all have when we say goodbye to her forever. Meanwhile in Hollywood, Eddie Murphy is reading a goodbye letter.......

Eddie,

We both knew that this would not last forever. We have had some great times, fantastic times and we'll always have the 80's. But I've met someone.

I've fallen in love with your humor, (which I spell without a 'U' because I'm American). His sharpness, wit and that funny laugh he does in nearly every movie, makes me feel alive and so we have decided to run away together.

I hope you understand. By the time you read this we will be in our new home with Chris Rock. I'm truly very sorry, but this is goodbye.

Your (no longer)

Career

Fast forward 17 unfunny years later and we come to #94 on our list, Norbit (2007).

I don't think it is an exaggeration to say Eddie Murphy's career is a tale of 2 halves. Brilliant movies and stand up in the 80's, mainstream and bland post 80's. I will freely admit some of my favourite films starred Eddie Murphy. Trading Places, (1983), The Golden Child, (1986), (I say I want the knife) and off course the absolutely brilliant iconic 80's film, Beverley Hills Cop (1984), (get the fun out of here. (Sorry I only saw the edit for TV version)).

The 2nd half, whilst enjoying some commercial success, have been forgettable, mass produced dross. Doctor Doolittle, (1998), (clever title as this sums up the movie) and The Nutty Professor, (1996), are good examples of these. Don't get me wrong, they are not awful, but I find them about as exciting as John Major eating Rivita washed down with water.  Whilst reading a wallpaper samples book.  And all the samples are beige!

There has also been some out and out crap. Movies that did not make our list and believe me the people in charge of creating this list have been sacked.  Which was me. So I shall get my coat.  Before I do though, the films that should have made this list but did not include Vampire in Brooklyn, (1995), (instead of blood sucking, it just sucked) and Pluto Nash, (2002), (I've not heard of it either). Fortunately for me and my recently re-instated self, one did make the list, the very unfunny, Norbit.

The film starts by following Norbit, (Eddie Murphy), as he grows up with his childhood sweetheart, Kate, (Thandie Newton) who both live in an orphanage. Eventually she is adopted and leaves the orphanage and soon after Norbit is also adopted by Mr Wong, (Murphy again). He meets a new girl, Rasputia, (Murphy, yet again!), who he starts a friendship with. They grow up together and she sort of looks after him, however, as she gets older she becomes obnoxious, domineering and overpowering. However, they both still get engaged to each other. One day Kate returns to buy the orphanage, which stirs emotions in Norbit and he realises that he is in love with her. However she is engaged to Deion, (Cuba Gooding Jr), who unknown to Kate, is a con man. And so it's love story between Norbit and Kate and a will they, won't they film, (I should have said this earlier and saved a lot of typing).

So what's the problem with this movie? Quite simply, it's all been done before, and better. Even Murphy donning a load of make up and pretending to be a woman, (make your own gags up here) or playing other characters in the same film is nothing new.

These days if we want crap 'comedy' movies involving boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back, then Hollywood will just dust off Owen Wilson, ask him to play that character he plays in every single movie, give him a vague script and kerching! Money in the bank, back home in time for Emmerdale and sherbet dib dabs. Wilson has cornered this already overcrowded market, (Adam Sandler keeps trying to muscle in, bless him), and we certainly don't need anyone else making these kind of films.

The plot and concept are not original and sadly neither are the characters. Norbit himself has been lifted straight from Adam Sandler's Waterboy (1998). He has the same mannerisms, is a little slow and even shares the same voice. I seriously expected Norbit to say, 'that's some high quality H2O'!  Sadly Norbit is never crushed to death by a rampaging American Football team.

Norbit's fiancee, Rasputia is a stereotypically large and extremely loud black woman. She clicks her fingers, shakes her head and the only thing missing is her shouting, 'he ain't all that and a bag of potato chips' every few seconds. The Wayans brothers could successfully sue Murphy as this character has already been used in all their movies and they actually own the copyright.

(Another example of original comedy by Murphy)

The final character Murphy plays is Mr. Wong. Definitely the worst of the bunch and the most outdated stereotypical oriental impression, (Murphy himself can't decide if he's Japanese or Chinese), since Benny Hill's Chinese character in the 70's. Cue replacing R sounds with L sounds and vice versa and there you have Murphy's character and all of his gags. Disgraceful that this crap is still dragged out in the 21st century.

The feeling you get with these characters is that they are rejects from The Nutty Professor. Like Pink Floyd's 'Final Cut' which just featured songs not good enough for 'The Wall'. There's also a little nod to Doctor Dolittle when a dog 'talks' to Norbit. I'm already watching one of your bad films Eddie, I don't need reminding of others.

It's worth noting here that this film was actually nominated for an Oscar.  I shit you not.  The Oscar was for the make up which transformed Murphy into all these 'wacky' characters.  It must have been a very lean year because the make up on 'Bo Selecta' looked way better.  Fortunately it did not win an Oscar, but did win another award which I shall come back to.

(Why don't you see our baby, you minge teasing bastard you?)

Most of the jokes in the movie are around Rasputia or more preciously fat jokes about Rasputia. We've got them all, bed collapsing on impact, getting stuck and objects leaning when sat on. Marvellous! It's like Murphy watched Shallow Hal and thought 'this movie is shite, but I can do shiter'. Off course Jack Black successfully makes a shiter film each year and so has won that battle.

This, then, is a cross between Waterboy, Shallow Hal, The Nutty Professor and Doctor Dolittle. Oh and 'There's Something About Mary' as Kate's boyfriend is a con artist and this part of the story is similar to Matt Dillon's character. I don't think Norbit uses spunk in his hair. Although it does stick up a bit. Anyway, the only difference is Murphy forgot to rip off the 'GOOD' bits from these movies.

So does Norbit get Kate back in the end? Off course he does, it's that predictable. Every gag, plot line or plot 'twist' is as obvious as a man painted bright pink trying to get into a smurf convention.

I tried to think of a word that sums up this film, (other than dross, shite, awful etc ) and I found it, courtesy of dictionary.com:

Cliche: 'a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.......'

So what award did this movie win?  Well, the movie won 3 Razzies!  For those who do not know, the Golden Raspberry Awards or Razzies are the polar opposite of the Oscars and are awarded to worst parts of movies.  So the joke is on me, not only was this a commercial success, but it also enjoyed a hat trick of awards.  So by way of apology, I shall finish this blog by listing the awards which this film won and which also, I think, completely sum up what is wrong with and who is to blame for this movie.

Worst Actor: Eddie Murphy (Norbit)
Worst Supporting Actress: Eddie Murphy (Rasputia)
Worst Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy (Mr. Wong)

(If you like bad movies then check out the Razzie Awards website at www.razzies.com)