#98 Soul Plane (2004) (Colin)

Before we begin, let me share a little secret with you. At weekends I am simply known as Susan and I like to wear.... no, wait, wrong secret. Damn! It's probably best you forget that. What I meant was that Wes and I actually started watching these films in November 2012, so my memory of some of them is a bit sparse as I wasn't keeping notes. For these earlier films I have actually watched them again. Then, once I have checked out of the mental unit, begin the blog. I just wanted to make sure my criticism was justified and that I wasn't talking bollocks. Or at least no more than normal.

However, with this film things were different. I detested this crapfest so much, that I vowed to never watch it again. I even blasted the DVD out of a rocket launcher into a wall / put it away in the draw, (more the 2nd one), so that I'd just forget about it. Now I'm a man of my word, (unless those words are 'just a couple' and the question is 'how many are you staying for?'), so I will not be watching it again. Can't be arsed. So there! *thumb on nose and fingers wiggling*.

So I'm now going to criticise something on which I know absolutely nothing about. A bit like Piers Morgan.....

#98 Soul Plane (2004) (I think, I was also drunk).

Now when you see the name Tom Arnold in a movie, you know you're in safe hands. Whether it's his razor sharp wit or diverse range of acting skills, Arnold is a powerhouse in acting. That doesn't sound right. (Check this before publishing). Another famous name in the film is Snoop Dogg, who plays Captain Mack. Snoop Dogg, off course, is as cool as a naked polar bear in sun glasses eating an ice cream. ie very. But these 2 can not save this film and their respective talents, (Dogg not Arnold) are wasted.

The story is about a guy called Nashawn (Kevin Hart), who after getting his bottom nearly sucked out of an airplane and having his dog killed by being sucked into a jet engine, successfully sues the airline and wins $100million. Using his new found wealth, Nashawn launches a new airline. The film is set on the maiden flight and has 2 themes. Nashawn trying to win back his girlfriend and the coming together and bonding of Arnold's family. Both have something in common in that I could not give a monkeys about the outcome of either.

The film starts well with a nice combination of slapstick and humour. Nashawns's dog being sucked into the jet engine is one of those situations where you shouldn't, but you can't help laughing out loud. To the question 'how is your ass' after Nashawn wins the money, the reply , 'it's good, it's sitting on $100million' was fairly clever and amusing. Then the film degenerates into 90 mins of bad jokes, bad acting and bad luck on my part for pressing play on the DVD player.

The easiest way for me to describe the film is like this. If the film was written by a 9-5 office worker in 1 day, (I doubt it took that long), then the writer spent from 9am to 4.59pm writing the first 10 minutes. He then hears, 'we're off to the pub at 5pm, are you coming?' and thinks 'sod it, just chuck in knob gags, toilet humour and offensive stereotypes. I fancy lager and pork scratchings'.

The film is really a bunch of unfunny sketches glued together. Each sketch contains a racial stereotype, in fact this seems mandatory. And Soul Plane has gone to great lengths to ensure no ethnic group is offended. Black women are either fat and shouty or buxom, bootylicious and scantily dressed. Muslims are portrayed as terrorists and only board planes to blow them up, (although I think it's to get as far away from this movie as possible). And there is only one white family in the movie and for crying out loud, they have been called 'the Hunkees', (honkys, geddit?). Soul Plan makes the 70's sitcom 'mind your language' seem like a party political broadcast by the anti-nazi league.

And that is what really irks me about this film. It's just lazy writing and has been done before in countless films in better ways. I really thought we had left this kind of racial stereotypical dross behind, clearly I was wrong. Oh and gay men, don't worry you're ridiculed and stereotyped as well.

The actors in this movie all seem to be competing for the loudest, wacky, overacting award. It appears from scene to scene the movies volume gets higher until even Spinal Tap's 11 is not loud enough. Ok, I'm getting old and like quiet pubs these days and music with lyrics, but even the hard of hearing would ask for it to be turned down

And it doesn't get less shouty and as the actors try to outdo each other, it feels like a class of children who are attempting to get the teacher's attention by shouting, 'Miss Miss Miss' and putting their arm up further and further in the air until one is standing up, bellowing and has one arm forcing the other arm higher and higher to get noticed. This bunch have climbed on the roof and are using a megaphone.

And so it's rinse and repeat throughout the movie although there are a couple of funny moments. The parody of Destiny Child's 'Survivor' for the flight safety video is genuinely funny and clever, (check it out on YouTube) and the 'Pimped up' airplane complete with hydraulics and revolving hub caps is again a good gag.

This is undoubtably a bad film, despite a good start and a couple of funny moments along the way. The characters are one dimensional, poorly acted and the jokes are tired and stale. Sometimes it tries shock to amuse but it's usually poorly judged and offensive. If only the writer had not gone to the pub and put in an 'all nighter', the end result could have been a good movie. However, instead he wakes up with a dry mouth, a sore head and feeling dirty.

So I did not watch again and I never will and please don't put yourself through it, (although I do have a spare DVD if you're short in coasters). Truly awful, should be higher up the list, Soul Plane? Soulless Plane more like.